Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
