Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
