oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
