So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
