God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
