I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
