a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
