well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
