oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
