fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
vagina is talking i cant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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