Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So vagazzling was a success
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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