i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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