I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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