if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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