I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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