a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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