but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
