Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dicks are not precious.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
