My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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