I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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