I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
