I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
