Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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