She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
