I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
