I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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