Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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