Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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