who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So vagazzling was a success
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
