He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
