saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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