Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
