How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you