called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
