Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask