I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
