That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?