She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
