I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
