just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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