so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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