These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
