I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well you can't waste a boner
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
