absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
