Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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