Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
