can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
