I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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