so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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