i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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