Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
