if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
