So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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