I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
