Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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