mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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