I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
