He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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