Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
