Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
