So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
