i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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