so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
