My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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