can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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