everyone is single if you try hard enough
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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