I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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