dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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