I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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