Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My life is pants optional.
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